and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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