He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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