is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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