You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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