You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
