He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
