I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
