We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
