no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
