Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
