I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
