I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
