i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize