Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
