I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
