I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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