White coat. Heels.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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