When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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