Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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