Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
