apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
