I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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