nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
home. puking in laundry basket.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
