What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What a dumb baby whore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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