i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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