There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
