She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
