I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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