i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
