I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
