Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
farters have to be the big spoon...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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