It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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