so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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