Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
