I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
