I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
