bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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