After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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