I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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