I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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