What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
