i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
