my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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