i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
