Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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