I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
