Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize