I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
