i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize