We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
