why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
