I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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