I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
