They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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