Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
