Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
