WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
