I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
