we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
