i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
