arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The uberlube is also flammable
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
