Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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