Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
