Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
