Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
