Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
